Lizards and Things…

I’m on the subway, headed downtown to the Yoga Teacher Training I’ve been incessantly sharing about. A dream come true but equally exciting as it is stressful (starting to notice my pattern here?).

Fear is my BFFrenemy, the one I identified ages ago as my constant companion. She doesn’t prevent me from doing things, on the contrary, she’s become a compass for what I dive into head first - If it makes me nervous it’s a full body YES.

Many great things have come from this weird relationship (and some not so but let’s stay positive here): Moving to NY at 21 with $5 in my pocket… Hustling though art school by taking on design jobs I wasn’t qualified for, but learned on the spot and nailed them… Reinventing myself over and over again, fabulously and intuitively… Quitting a 20yo profitable career that was killing me to immerse myself into what I currently do and love…

But man, it’s exhausting to constantly have the same darn conversation! So today I find myself in the depths of a months long renegotiation of our contract, an invitation gifted to me by my friend and teacher Carissa:

“Fear, I see you, I understand why you were born in little me, I’m even grateful. But I don’t need you anymore. We’re ok honey, I’m ok. you don’t need to work so hard, I’m safe. I’ve never even listened to you! I got me. I got me.”

I’m sure this will be a lifetime process, but I can tell you we’ve made great strides. I’ll be sitting with her attentively, catching her as she peeks at me and I mistakenly call her “stress”. “I see you, you’re not allowed to cry at my party anymore.”

Paola